NO SHAME IN MY GAME
So after my last post that said id see you next week, I have had a couple of police men (readers) at my door steps hahahaha. I don put myself for work.
I would like to take a moment before I ramble on and rant and rant today to thank each and every one of you that reached out to me. Thank you so much, i was reminded that i am not alone and i am surrounded by people who care about me. Life sometimes takes us so far away that we forget to reach out.
My friends where truly mad and I was warned to never drift off like that again and I promised I wouldn’t. To those who have constantly watched over me like mother hawks since that Wednesday, thank you so much. The best thing I think I did for myself was actually come out and talk about it, like I said before, its not going to happen overnight but little by little I will get there.
I have thought about what to write about today. Honestly, when I open a blank page and pen finger to keyboard its like an overflow. I am like write this and that and that and those and ooh this over here, it’s always a battle to stick to one thing, Gosh! I am just going to go with the flow and the flow will literarily begin in the next paragraph. LOL.
I used to feel nothing but shame before i came forward and decided that enough was enough. I needed help and I had to find a way to get it one way or another. I decided to go back to one of the things I know used to help me back in the days with everything “MY BLOG” even if I couldn’t personally sit down and talk to a professional. I just knew that I needed to talk to someone and anyone.
Best decision I made, I have had this sense of relief and it felt like this weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I have spoken to people who are not even my friends personally, through email mostly, and realised hey girl, there really is nothing to be ashamed off. It is normal to worry, especially about the things we have absolutely no control over. What is not healthy is to let that worry begin to slowly eat into every other aspect of your life and begin to cloud your judgment and then completely take over your entire being and consume you.
Like i said in my previous post, i give the best advice but i am the WORST at following my own words. Two things i am going to share with you today are things i am working on personally,
1. KNOW YOUR WORTH. – Louis Vuitton never goes on sale like EVER ! that actually makes me mad to be honest, all other high end stores go one sale,Why am I mad though? They have placed a value on their commodity, and if I cant afford it, I better move along. Louis Vuitton would never lower their prices to put a smile on my face, besides most people that go into that store dnt even smile, when you spend $4500 upwards on a bag, please what’s funny?
In one of my conversations last week, my friend hit a spot when she said to me, when you know your worth, the kind of things u allow happen to you be based on how you feel about yourself. She was all too correct. If you think you are worthless and useless, best believe that the person you are sitting or standing right across from can feel your vibe and will be like well if “he or she” feels worthless, then I guess you are what you think right? On the other hands if you sit there thinking well I am as bad as bad can be, hotter than hot pepper soup, likewise that will be the vibe you would be giving out. Fake it till you u make it HUNTY...Now let me give you a little story. I was to go on a date with this tall, dark and handsome guy , in my own right I am a fine girl at least I know say ‘I DEY ALRIGHT” ( I am not doing badly in the looks department ) Mr. young man comes to pick me up right and the first thing I say is “ How come you are single”? HOLD UP! If I could go back in that very moment and slap myself. I kept on going on and on about how good looking he was and how unbelievable it was that he was single, OH MY GOD, I cringe as I keep typing. Brother no pay me one compliment but my brain no gree click at that moment, I just kept going on and on. I wore this very beautiful dress, my eyes knew I was looking fine as hell, but my brain, oh my dear little old brain kept telling me that my arms where humongous so I carried a scarf and wrapped it around my arms, “ BARFS”. The uselessness of the presence of that scarf was so evident, that at a point the guy was like I know you are not cold , I just can’t understand why you brought that scarf. ‘TEARS’.
Looking from outside of the box now, with all of my senses complete if I had the opportunity for a do over, I will wear my dress, and let my FAT arms just be free for GODS sakes. What was my plan really, hide the arms and then do a TADA when he eventually gets to see them? I might as will have just cut the hand off and gone with prosthetics. Sigh. Mr Young man must have thought this girl is bananas. I am lucky, because in most cases when people sense and identify your vulnerability just begin to know that at that point in time u are truly finished. They will play u like a puppet string.
You are exactly what you think you are, what you put into the universe is exactly what the universe will take and accept from you. TAKE NOTE.
2. BE PATIENT – look at me preaching to the congregation again, my biggest struggle I am the most impatient at EVERYTHING, please I cannot bless you with an extra minute of my time, no way mama. I am just too impatient, and the worst part is I have absolutely no control over the things I am impatient about. I have been going hard as hell at the gym, like hard enough to make me consider getting a foam roller, imagine my absolute annoyance when I got on the scale on Sunday and I had not lost any weight, boy was I mad. I was like Lord Jesus Christ I can’t even move my body and I have not lost one pound, warahell! I almost broke that scale I swear. If I was been honest with myself, I look totally different from the beginning of this year, my jeans are zipping again, my cheeks no longer cover my eyes when I smile and I don’t look like a busted can of biscuit anymore when I sit down. I took a step back and went to get my measuring tape and put it round my body and Hallelujah, let’s just say there is actually progress just not where I wanted to see it. I am a scale addict I get on it after I drink a glass of water it’s that ridiculous. There is nothing I can do about this weight it took me 5 months to pug on 67lbs, so I gat to be patient when it comes to losing it ALL and more,I gat nothing but time on my hands.
Whether I like it or not, change doesn’t happen overnight, change happens through the little small efforts we make everyday which will eventually turn into big big changes: Note to self.
Finally, this is something you will be hearing me preach about forever and ever more till I am old and grey and still fly. LOVE YOURSELF. That tingly little feeling you get at the back of your head, when u look in the mirror that tells you that you are not good enough, or pretty enough, if you are child of God, rebuke that thought in his name, it is an insult to God to not appreciate what he made , because the bible said he made us in his own image and LIKNESS .
There is no shame in the game, whenever you are feeling vulnerable, sad , alone, always remember that there are people who love and care for you, and if you don’t even feel like talking to those people, go before the maker and talk to him he always listens trust me, he does , I know this FIRST HAND.
Almighty ladies and gentlemen, man must not live by bread alone, but a girls gat to eat and eat I must. I must remove hand from keyboard now else I will go on and on and on and on and on and then maybe pass out from hunger.
Love you all tres muchos. Love and light.